There are certain things in life that need a lot of time until you are finally able to talk about them. With talking about these things I mean opening up about them completely. I needed to grow up first, get to know myself and be the real me before I could share this with anyone but my parents or closest friends. I can’t even tell if I ever really and seriously talked about it. Mostly I hid behind jokes because I didn’t know how to deal with it myself.
After choosing that name for my blog or basically any social media account (except for my facebook account) I have been asked quite a lot why I chose it and what it actually means. Even though I sometimes get tired of people asking, I never thought about changing it. Back when I had a blog on blogspot I changed its name quite a lot. I went from “law meets fashion” to “glitter and gold” to something with butterflies in it, I can’t even remember. “law meets fashion” was truly me back then but it felt wrong after I gave up on a career in law for some time.
Even though I got back on track and am a business lawyer now, I never thought about going back to the name. It is not me anymore, it is not what my blog has become.
What I wanted with “Diaries In Bags” was something real, something that was open for a lot of different topics but also typically me. What basically everyone knows about me is my love for certain designer handbags and because they’re part of my outfits, part of my every day life, they are also part of the blog. I chose the word “diaries” because I do write diaries since my 16th birthday but also because blogging always felt like keeping a virtual diary to me. If you are reading this and you do know me personally, then yes, you are definitely mentioned in one of many diaries.
And truth is, you might also have inspired one of my blog posts. I’m not gonna lie.
See, if I write about a topic, I literally write my heart out and something you said or did might have brought up some thoughts but that’s it. And if I ever did write about bad dates, then yes, it was 100 % about you. Sorry, I’m not sorry.
Lunch with a colleague I never had lunch before inspired this post when she told me that I was brave for moving here for work and starting this job after graduating. I never thought of it as something brave to do. And thinking about it reminded me that I have been told I was brave a lot lately.
It started when something went wrong with a case and my boss wanted to see me and one of our paralegals. Knowing that what went wrong was not done by any of us he got angry at us for knowing about it but not telling him. I have to say, when our boss gets angry things can get a little rough. So he went on and on about how no one had told him about it and got mad at us for not seeing the problem. Thing is, I was calm as fuck. Sorry for my words, but I am serious. I told him in the most serious and confident way I could that we did see the problem but it was not our or especially my obligation to tell him since it was not even my case (there is a responsible lawyer for every case). So when it is not my case, how would I know if he is up to date? I told him that things like this happen because of the uncertain structure. He got mad at me first for criticizing the structure but after I explained, he understood and I do think he thought about it afterwards.
So when we got out the paralegal told me it was such a brave thing to say and she was so afraid for me getting fired. And here’s the thing: I was afraid to get fired too. There was a moment I was sure I wouldn’t come back the next day and yet, I said what I had to say, unafraid of the consequence because I knew I was right. It was certainly confident, but was it brave?
I could share so many stories from work about someone telling me that I did something brave, the thing is it is not.
I don’t know if saying what you think and being confident enough to deal with sassy male lawyers is brave. It is confident for sure but brave? Maybe everyone thinks differently about being brave. What is brave for someone might be no big deal for someone else. What my female colleagues see as brave things to do are completely from my point of view.
Some people take a lot of punches before they fight back. They tend to load all the bullshit of others on their backs.
What I want to tell you and also to myself is: STOP. You need to start setting limits. There might be a lot you can take but you really do not have to deal with every kind of bullshit that is thrown at you.
There used to be a blog post
Leaving at twelve is not going to be a Cinderella story about how I had to leave early and met the love of my life. Actually this is not even about love at all.
Except if you count work and your work place as something you love… Okay I am not talking about if or how much I love my work places either. Might get me in trouble (I’m kidding).
Some years ago I started working a few hours a week at a big company because I was looking for a job I could do while studying full time. Back then I was still working on my bachelor degree but well… working doesn’t hurt your resumé and definitely not your wallet.
Anyways, so I ended up to be a working student there with limited hours.